From My Heart Creations: It's been awhile ~ A Heart Broken

Hello:

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged and for that I am truly sorry to the designers I CT for. May is coming up and it's the 2 year anniversary of my mom's passing. I had just gotten myself to the point where I can some what deal with that, then on March 31, 2012, my dad passed away as well. I am utterly heart broken, to say the least. This past few weeks has been VERY hard to deal with and I actually stopped scrapping to try to get through this trying time. After a few days, I was going stir crazy just sitting and had to do something to keep my mind going, so I started scrapping a little more. It helped some, but not completely. Even as an adult, who has seen family and friends pass away, I find myself asking, "Why does death of those you love, have to be so hard, but why does the death of a parent hurt like none other?"

My parents were together their entire married life, well except for the occasional trip my mom took for her clubs and groups she was in. At the time my mom passed my parents had been married for 54 years. They had a passion for life and as my uncle told me, "Sorry to hear about your dad, Chuck to me. He will be missed by all, even when you thought he was a mean dad, especially when you girls were picking on me! I can't tell you about all the good times we had, I'm sure you have heard about them many times. He and your mother were two of a kind, always looking at the bright side of life. They are together again, so all is well." They were strict parents but oh so wonderful ones too. They taught my sisters and I, right from wrong. They were there to guide us and help us if we wanted it. They doted on all of their grandchildren and great grandchildren. They are together again, finally and happily dancing in Heaven. They aren't in any pain anymore and I understand that in my head. In my heart, I am hurting because I miss them both so much.

After my mom passed, my dad really lived by his marriage vows, "in sickness and in health". He took care of her each and every day with pure love in his heart." During the times that I was at "home" visiting, all I saw was his loving, caring and compassion towards my mom. He doted on her, called her beautiful, held her hand and just totally poured out all his love towards her. This became even more clear and evident just before my mom passed. In my opinion, he made it his life's mission to tell her how much he loved her. It was just so very romantic. During the time my mom became more ill, I remember that she had fallen and my dad had tried to help her up. He ended up fracturing a vertebrae in his back and ended up having surgery to repair this. After this, one of my sisters started helping my parents as their caregiver so they could both stay in their home and together. I may not have agreed with the way she handled some things, but am so grateful to her for taking care of them both.

The bottom line is, I love my parents so very much and I was blessed and honored to be their daughter. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them and most days, I do take some "down" time to talk to them both. What really helps though is my belief in butterfly's. I believe that after your loved one passes butterfly's butterfly's come to you to show you that they are o.k. and have made it home to heaven. I also believe that they come to those who are having a hard time with their death. Well, I have seen so many butterfly's this year, unlike any other. Here is a story of what happened a few days after my dad passed. I was outside with my kids while they were playing. A single butterfly landed near them. My kids, who are 4 and 5, went up to the butterfly and was looking at it. Instead of the butterfly flying off, it "played" with them. The kids then came back over towards me and the butterfly followed them and just landed between them. It just stayed there as they were trying to pick it up. I saw this and went over to them and was actually able to pick up this butterfly. It even allowed me to put it in my kids' hand and they got to hold it for a few seconds. It was such a peaceful moment for me. I knew it was my dad coming back to watch over us and to make sure we were o.k. Since that day, we've had many many butterfly's all around us. I was even able to hold another one about a week ago. The most calming and peaceful feeling came over me. I then started seeing 2 butterfly's chasing each other and knew in that moment, that my mom and dad were now here with me.

As I close this blog post, I'd like to ask you to do something. Please, Please, Please tell your loved ones what they mean to you every day because you never know when they won't physically be there anymore. With every conversation I had with my parents and before I hung up, I would tell them each and every time that I loved them. It does make a difference to everyone.