Oh boy its been a long time. I really have to get my head back in the scheme of things. I have so totally slacked on everything, including my scraping. I have managed to keep up with the teams I create for, but that's about it as far as the scraping world.
After my dad passed about a month and a half ago, I felt like the life was sucked out of me. Sure, I got up and get up each and every day and take care of my lil ones, play with them, feed them, bathe them and all of the day to day things involved with them. Every part of their lives I am on top of and love being with them, taking care of them and most importantly showering them with love. They are not aware of the ongoing and continuing pain I am feeling inside of me. They are only aware that they have a momma with them that loves them more than anything in the world and that I do my best to make sure they are happy each and every day of their life.
I contacted the awesome designers that I CT for when my dad passed away and told them what happened. Each of them told me to take my time and all the time I needed to work through this. I took them up on their offers and took a few days to a week or so off. I have to tell you that during that time, I didn't and couldn't do anything scrapping wise. Then one day it hit me. The longer I sat here doing nothing, the worse I felt, so I jumped back into my scrapping. I started back doing my CT duties and at times it was a hard thing to do. There were and still are times when I get the gumption back going to work on a layout (LO) then come to my computer and open everything up to start then just sit here looking at the monitor and closing everything out again.
I knew it was bad when mom passed just a little over 2 years ago. When dad passed I didn't know which end was up. I honestly felt like a little girl again who lost both her parents and didn't know what I was going to do anymore. The knowing that I can never pick up a phone again and call them just to say hi and I love just crushed me to the core. It is a finality that sucks the life out of you. No more calling them to tell them something funny that happened. No more calling them to tell them that it so flippin hot outside. No more calling them and telling them we are having 70 degree weather outside when they have several inches of snow on the ground. No more calling them to tell them something funny that one of the kids did. Nothing. It totally devastated me. It's hard to work through the grief and the pain.
I can remember "chatting" online with someone who was having a bad day and trying to cheer them up and making them laugh, all the while having tears running down my face because I miss my parents so much. I can remember the feeling of wanting to move back to the Pacific Northwest to be closer to my family there. I can remember the feeling of being so totally alone and no one to really explain how I was feeling. I mean yes, I have people I can and do talk to, but in THAT moment, you feel so totally alone. I guess what I am and was feeling was completely and utterly overwhelmed with my emotions and things I needed to do.
I guess what I am saying is that I am sorry for neglecting my blog and the things that I enjoy putting here. I am taking the steps to not feel so overwhelmed again and am going to be posting the work I've done with the awesome designers' kits I've used. I have to remember to take care of myself as well as treating myself well. This is what I am doing now.
So, to end this post, please be good to yourself, treat yourself well and remember to tell those you love how you feel about them and what they mean to you because tomorrow isn't always promised.
God Bless
Lori
See what I mean about this kit being gorgeous? I just fell in love with all the different colors. You can find Butterfly's In Bloom in Kathy's store at GingerScraps. Here is a link for this kit. Click here to be taken to Kathy Winters Designs Store.
